Put your feet up with JOSH DARE and get comfy in your chair and your unchallenged gay stereotypes with these cardboard cut-out reality TV queers.

The style icon
Gav and Waz (The Block)
Did you notice an increase in the number of phone calls from your straight mates begging for advice on interior design, fashion or relationships after 2003? Chalk those phone-a-fags up to the exploits of Gav and Waz, who swanned on to The Block to show the breeders how renovation is done – in your underpants, apparently, so hey! Two stereotypes in one!

The fembot
Carson (Queer Eye For The Straight Guy)
Gay dudes sleep with dudes, right? So it makes perfect sense that in order to attract said dudes, gay guys would lightly mimic their female counterparts. Perfect sense to bigoted outsiders at least, and with Carson on Queer Eye going so far as to reduce his vocabulary to a series of lisps (“tszuj”), that won’t be challenged any time soon.

The straight actor
“Farmer” Dave (Big Brother 2006)
Imagine, if you will, that being gay was a disability. Hear me out. Imagine it was a disability that only you could see, and it didn’t actually disable you in any sense. In fact, the only reason people know you’re disabled is because you keep harping on how remarkable it is that you’re disabled yet manage to be so able. Welcome to Big Brother David’s handicapped world.

The self-obsessed
Richard Hatch (Survivor)
Forget computers taking away all the labour jobs – you need to watch out for those queers! With lucrative dependency-free salaries, no children to hold them back and a ‘me me me’ mentality, they’re your biggest threat and they don’t care what they stampede on the way to their fruity goal. And that’s a fact, coz I saw that Richard Hatch do it on Survivor.

The closet case
Anthony Callea (Australian Idol)
The closet – it’s safe, warm, and can even be used to store clothes in when it’s not concealing your sexuality. It must be comfy in there, coz even gays who are very clearly gay like Anthony Callea from Australian Idol camp out there for months. Well, it’s either real comfy, or even the gays realise it’s way better to not exist at all than to be a gay man.

The one-dimensional
Lance Loud (An American Family)
In his defence, as the first real-life gay person on TV ever, there were no defined stereotypes for An American Family’s Lance Loud to be cast into. He picked up the gauntlet with gusto though, fleshing himself out to a fully-fledged one-dimensional gay character that only “occasionally” wore lipstick and women’s clothes and taking his mother to a drag show.

The equality Nazis
Reichen and Chip (The Amazing Race)
Aww, that’s sweet – Reichen and Chip on The Amazing Race titled themselves as ‘married’ despite same-sex marriage not being legal or recognized anywhere in the United States. But, what’s next? Rushing to the emergency ward to see a gay “doctor”, only to find out he played the gay card instead of going to medical school?

The man eater
Miriam (There’s Something About Miriam)
As if we didn’t have enough problems dealing with straight guys’ fears of peeing next to us and our prying eyes, now they’ve got it into their heads that we’re so determined to take innocent straight guys down the brown alley that we’ll go through years of gender realignment surgery just to catch them unawares. It worked so well for Miriam of There’s Something About Miriam, after all.

The pink pussy
Carey Sherrell (The Apprentice)
Although we are a colourful people, in both personality and representative flags, there’s a certain hue we can’t seem to kick: pink. Y’know, the girl’s colour. Coz we’re girls. Just ask Carey Sherrel, who was fired from The Apprentice after he vehemently insisted a suit he was tasked to design should be pink – despite the justified protests of his team mates. In delicious irony, Trump swiftly served him with a pink slip.
 
The superficial bitch
Artie (The Biggest Loser)
Why enter a weight loss competition to combat obesity-related diseases when you can burst in with the grand purpose of losing weight to get a boyfriend like Artie of The Biggest Loser. It’s just too bad teaming up with the other cows on the show to bitch and moan didn’t burn calories, coz he would have been the first contestant to suffer from malnutrition.