Step one: Settle in for a bit of TV watching, and realise you’re slightly peckish.

Step two: Race to the cupboard to find your own shelf void of anything snack-worthy, before raiding the other shelves to see what you can steal. Find Doritos.

Step three: Eat half the packet of Doritos. At this point you should feel like you’ve had enough corn chips, but you’re still hungry.

Step four: Race to the fridge to see what other food you can steal. Find some light cheddar.

Step five: Pour the rest of the Doritos on to a plate, and then haphazardly shred some cheese all over it.

Step six: Place in oven at 120 degrees. After five minutes, get bored waiting for the cheese to melt. Increase temperature to 200.

Step seven: After five minutes more, give up on oven and place “nachos” in microwave, watching it spin round to see if the cheese melts.

Step eight: Notice funky smell is being emitted from world's most resilient cheese. Remove nachos.

Step nine: Open kitchen window to air out the stench of melting plastic cheese. Dispose of the abomination you’ve created. Tell yourself it’s OK, it’s not like it’s the first Mexican to be tossed out with garbage.