Lock up your sons, Europe.

Today marks the start of my three week jaunt through the UK, Greece and Thailand. My sister is getting married in Greece in July, so I figured I’d burl round a couple of other places while I’m jetsetting - London because I lived there a few years ago, and Thailand coz it's cheap, easy and on the way home. A bit like your mum.

And the holiday couldn’t get off to a better start. I rocked up at Melbourne airport at 7am this morning for my 9:30am flight. Quite a feat considering spent most of yesterday shitting myself about the very real possibility of sleeping in and missing my flight; it’s not often I’m out of bed at 5am. (In fact, I’m not even in bed by that time most weekends.)

Excitedly wheeled my luggage into the terminal while quietly praised my own punctuality, only to be greeted by that fuck-off sized flight information board broadcasting that my flight was now leaving at 11am – generously providing four hours leisure time at Victoria’s second most favouritest transport hub.

Have filled the time quite admirably s’far – read the Herald Sun cover-to-cover while casually sipping a fruit smoothie. Wouldn't ya know it, The Hun contained more pulp than the smoothie. They're brilliant at playing right into the hands of the reactionary right though, aren't they? Choice stories today: an expose on VicRoads' wholly unagreeable $300k bill for fleet car damage (coz OMG THEY WORK WITH CARS WTF); a stern warning about online fraud on "popular internet websites Facebook, MySpace and Bebo"; and a poll that asked if children should be protected from sexy music videos, with 79.2% of respondents hysterically screaming yes (seemingly unaware that parents should be capable of doing the protecting themselves without the interventions that have been spruiked recently).

Checked in when I could, and moseyed into the departures lounge. Still had bugger all to do, mind, but I figured by pacing passport control and perusing the duty free wares in a disinterested manner could provide the feeling of occupation.

Fail.

So right now I’m typing this on my laptop…

while sipping an iced latte vendi…

on a couch at Starbucks.

WHO OR WHAT HAVE I BECOME?

Will have plenty of time to reflect at any rate: they just announced my flight has been delayed again, until 11:30am. Remember that episode of Kath and Kim where Kath and Kel don't leave the terminal for their holiday? My morning.