The story so far

I’m 27, and was living in a share house in St Kilda East with two other people. Well, firstly it was an apartment, not a house; and it was meant to be only two other people, until January this year, when a mutual friend – who’s also a real estate agent, so perfectly capable of finding his own place – asked if he could stay for a couple weeks. Fast forward to September, and he was still there.

Hence why I decided it best to move out by myself, to an apartment I found in Elwood. It was a beautiful apartment too – right on the beach, polished floorboards throughout, had a rooftop that anyone could access. The perfect summer pad.

So, on the night of September 11, I was packing stuff in my car to move the very next day. Which, as you’ll discover, didn’t really work out as planned.

What happened
I was hit by a car.

Apparently crossing the street to my car, and walked in front of a moving vehicle. (I’ll talk more about the ‘apparently’ angle later.) From on-scene reports, I was thrown 10 metres. The car was practically totaled – and I’ve been told, had a dint in my perfect imprint across the bonnet and roof. I know this, as it was parked out the front of my old apartment for a lifetime – so imagine if you were one of my flatmates, dealing with the trauma of a friend being hit by a car, and having to see the frigging thing every day for who knows how long.

Neither the car nor the driver were in any condition to drive – apparently immediately after hitting me, a Hebrew screaming match commenced between the (Jewish) driver and his passenger. Seemed like quite a party too, as no cars could get past so plenty of people were standing round, witnessing a little too late.

Speaking of, I’m told there was a woman from the car behind who was screaming that she ‘saw everything’, but by the time she’d been briefed by the local community (read: other Jews), when she spoke to the cops it turns out she ‘didn’t really see anything’. Really? Coz the flatmates saw DODGINESS in plain sight.

Then what happened?

The Jewish ambulance was called. I’m guessing that the Jews that hit me called them. I’ve since learned that the Jewish ambulance is basically useless, as they’re just high-level first aiders. Surprised they even looked at me, not being Jewish and all. But they helped me breath and cut off my clothes while a normal ambulance was called.