And then what happened?

I was taken to the Alfred Hospital. My sister managed to beat the ambulance there. Turns out she tried calling me while I was lying on the road, dying, and one of my flatmates answered and said, ‘Actually, don’t know how to say this, but Josh has been fucked up’.

The flatmates came to the hospital too. And Ash, who had cradled me on the side of the road until help arrived, was very conscious of my blood that was on his hands when he was talking to my sister. Admiring the bang up job he was doing sitting on his hands while he chatted to her, he excused himself to the toilet to wash his hands – and when he got there, he saw that he had my blood smeared everywhere, army camo style, from wiping his face. That is all class.

Meanwhile, my Dad had made it to the hospital too. It was a regular little get together while I was waiting to be admitted to intensive care. Not that I knew – I was not with the world. Speaking of family and the world, my mum was actually holidaying in Morocco when it happened. My sister and my Dad decided not to trouble her with the news yet.

The damage

You wouldn’t know it to look at me these days, but I was quite the fucked up little unit. As anyone who witnessed my sad carcass on the side of the road would tell you, I was quite the mess. The damage was:

- Shattered ankle

My left inner ankle was pretty much split in two. It’s now pinned, and hopefully my body is hard at work reattaching itself to it, or whatever it does. Incidentally, I’ve been back to the Alfred since, and they’ve said I can get the pin out in six months. I said yes. My Dad doesn’t know why I would. I don’t know why you wouldn’t.

- Smashed cheekbone

I say smashed as I have no idea what was wrong with it, besides the fact I know I now have a plate. And got some plastic surgery so you can’t even tell. Yay to emergency plastic surgery.

- Fractured spine

That’s a bit dramatic – one of my collarbone vertebrae were fractured. I work a neck brace for a while. It was “darling”. I looked like one of those dogs with a collar on to stop them chewing themselves.

- Lacerated kidney

Not that we knew – I found out weeks later. Can’t have been too serious then.

- Bruising of the brain

And the piece de la resistance – my brain was bruised. Must’ve gotten a little shaken up when I went from the car to the road. Not that anything really bothered me at this point – I was in a serious coma. However, when I emerged from it, it still wouldn’t bother me as I have (had?) post-traumatic amnesia, so can’t remember anything from the accident.

When that list was relayed to my waiting family, they called my Mum straight away.